Day 89

Forty.

Day 88

Ahhhh Thursday - the day where I always think far too much about what I'm eating, because I know I have to weigh in the next day. It's not as if I'm attempting to cut weight so I can wrestle in a lower weight class, so there's no reason I should be a lunatic on Thursdays (more than any other day, anyway) but I am.

Today has been my usual Chobani, Chick-fil-a, and Quest Bars, provided by my cousin Jason and his lovely fiancee Katie. Those two decided that they wanted to help me along in my journey, so they bought me a couple boxes of my adored Quest bars, which was so incredibly thoughtful. Thank you both very much.

We'll see what tomorrow brings!

Day 87

So the last couple of days have been good, very low calorie experiences. I feel like I made some progress for sure, but last weekend was still a carnival of calories, so we'll see what Friday brings.

Shake for breakfast, protein bar for pre-lunch snack, and lunch will probably be Chick-fil-a or something of that ilk. Who knows what mysteries dinner holds, assuming dad doesn't eat some bad cooked carrots again, and train night goes off without a hitch.

My dear father, by the way, is down 26lbs himself. Here here, pop! I know that Kung Pao Chicken reward will be a good one. I don't know how many lbs my mother has taken off, but I know she's working her butt off, too. The whole family is really making some changes, which is really cool.

Day 85

Well, my plan to eat well this weekend didn't reaaaaallly work. We ended up going to Uncle Julio's on Friday and I did ok, but beer will eat up a lot of calories on the sly. Saturday night, we had our friends Amelia and Alex over for fondue and blueberry mojitos. So, not great.

But as usual, back on it today. Chobani for breakfast, kabobs for lunch, maybe a Lean Cuisine for dinner. Still hoping I can close the gap on that 40lb mark this week. We'll see.

Day 82

Down 1lb in a week where I had chicken wings, fries, three beers, three ciders, pizza bagels, corned beef, soda bread and banoffi pie over the weekend? I'll take that every. single. time.

Now let's see if I can get through this weekend without another pigfest and hit that 40lb mark next week.

Day 81

Pop's illness saved me from corned beef last night, although the trade-off was not altogether worth it. Protein bar and my last Chobani for breakfast (gasp!!) and I'm meeting mom at Clyde's for lunch. Cross your fingers for my weigh-in tomorrow. If I avoid a significant gain, I'll be happy with it.

81 days isn't a long time, but it IS time, and I got to thinking about all the things that I haven't had at all since I started my diet. One that stuck out to me is ye olde candye bare. That's not to say that I haven't had candy since I started - I've definitely had a few Lindor truffles and a Reese's egg in the last few months, but I haven't had a candy bar. I used to really enjoy the not-so-occasional candy bar, but it's something I haven't missed in the least in the past few months. Weird. That brought me to my next feature..

Case Studies in Shit I Don't Need to Eat Ever Again!


Exhibit A: 
271 calories
- 122 from fat
13.6g fat
- 5.2g saturated fat
34.5g carbohydrates (32.7g effective)
- 1.3g dietary fiber
- 28.8g sugar
4.3g protein

Exhibit B:
210 calories
- 90 from fat
10g fat
- 1.5g saturated fat
21g carbohydrates (4g effective)
- 17g dietary fiber
- 2g sugar
20g protein

Exhibit A is the ubiquitous Snickers Bar. Exhibit B is a Quest Peanut Butter and Jelly Bar. My point is certainly not that they taste the same, nor that the Quest bar truly measures up in deliciousness. But I'll say this - these bars are damn tasty, and they DO taste like peanut butter and strawberry jelly on wheat bread, which happens to be one of my absolute favorites. My real point here is that I know I've bought into the 'Hungry? Why wait?' bullshit before, and eaten a Snickers bar as an attempt to get me through to my next meal. Candy is candy for a reason, and it can be delicious as a treat, but I don't ever want to go back to thinking of it as anything more than that.

Day 80

Christine officially began going back to the gym and working with a trainer yesterday. I'm so proud of her for getting off her butt and back to work - that's a part of this equation that I haven't solved yet. I met her after her work out for dinner at Tropical Smoothie Cafe, which I almost had again for lunch today. Obsess much?

Instead I had Potbelly for lunch, with Chobani and a protein bar to take me through the morning. I may have another protein bar this afternoon if I need it and I know there's a corned beef sandwich (ruh roh) in my future for dinner. I'm drinking enough water to float the Titanic right now, which is good but inconvenient at the same time. I'm still not expecting particularly good things on Friday, but if I can limit the damage, I ought to be able to  close the gap on 40lbs next week.

Day 79

The Lean Cuisine I had last night was a) delicious, and b) possibly poison. It's not that I feel particularly bad, but I've brushed my teeth three times since eating it, and I can still taste it on my breath. That's not exactly what I look for in 280 calories worth of Thai-style chicken and vegetables. Also, how amazing is it that for 280 calories, I can either have a bowl of the aforementioned, OR a Snickers bar? These are things you don't really think about when you're busily binge eating yourself into an early grave.

Chobani for breakfast, Potbelly for lunch, and a protein bar for a snack since the Potbelly didn't quite fill me up.

I'm working on hydrating like a boss, because I know how much salt there is in my system right now. I'm betting that my weight will be up this Friday, but I'm hoping for another big drop next week with a combination of water weight and accumulated weight loss. We shall see.

Day 78

Had my usual Chobani for breakfast, along with a protein bar shortly after I woke up. I was insanely hungry - the downside of eating a big meal on Sunday night and stretching out my stomach in the process.

I also hopped on the scale this morning just to see how bad the carnage was for this weekend, and I'm only up about 2lbs. That sounds awful, but is actually a good thing, because I expected worse. I need to drink a LOT of water to flush this salt from my body, and hopefully I won't see an increase on Friday. That will put me back on target to be down 40lbs by the end of March, which is a consummation devoutly to be wished.

Chick-fil-a for lunch, probably a lean cuisine for dinner. This whole 'getting back on the wagon' thing is getting easier and easier.

Day 77

Having just stuffed my face for St. Patrick's day and destroying all the progress that I made last week, I'll take solace in posting the comparative pictures from the day I started and this past Friday when I hit the 37lb mark. Pictures are after the break, because nobody really wants to see this stuff without preparing themselves, including me.

Day 75

Read it and weep, haters.

Ok, to my knowledge there are actually no haters here, but OH MY GOD, what a rush it was to see that number come up. For those of you playing the home game, that's 6.2lbs this week, for a total of 37lbs even.

So the good news is that I've lost 37lbs in 75 days. The bad news (which isn't really all that bad) is that I need to buy two more new belts. I just bought a new brown belt maybe a month and a half ago, and I'm down to the next to last notch on that one. My black belt, which I haven't yet replaced, is now inappropriately long.

Christine and I had dinner at Bertucci's again last night, and I'm pleasantly surprised each time we do. I had a chicken caesar salad and a plat of roasted tuscan vegetables (zucchini, broccoli, eggplant, tomatoes) and it was a wonderful meal for very few calories indeed.

For dessert I did something really tasty - I cut up a big banana, put it in a bowl, and then spooned a big hunk of fat free Cool Whip on top of it. The bananas and the Cool Whip together very nearly tasted like a banana cream pie, which is one of my favorite things. And it was roughly no calories.

One of the things I said I'd do at the beginning of this exercise was take more of the front/side pictures of myself, so as to reinforce the progress I'm making. I've been putting it off, because I've got so much weight to lose that I'm actually afraid they'll discourage me. After looking at those first pictures of me, how different could I possibly look, ten pounds lighter?

This morning, though, I decided that 37lbs was almost 10% of my body weight, so I'd go ahead and snap a few new photos for comparison. I'll upload them this weekend. Not earth shattering, but there's definitely a difference, which feels pretty damn good.

Day 74

Last week's weigh in really sucked ass. I was up 2lbs, back to 380lbs on the dot. Proof that my body can handle a lot, but a full blown weekend with the guys was just too much.

When I last wrote, I was proud that I'd been able to go nuts with my friends and then get back on my diet when they left. The next test came when my weigh in was bad - another thing that could have made me lose my way. Well I didn't, so just deal with it.

Admittedly, last Friday we went bowling with our friends Alex and Amelia, and I had two mozzarella sticks, a modest portion of a shared plate of cheesy fries, and later three or four slices of Domino's pizza (medium, so they were little slices) and about seven bottles of Bud Light. That was delicious, if not a particularly good idea, but then starting again on Saturday, we got back on it and have been since.

The usual barrage of Chobani, protein bars, and protein shakes have made up most of my food this week, though I have to give a shout out to Tropical Smoothie Cafe, with which I am obsessed. The Buffalo Chicken Wrap (a bit of a splurge at 600 calories) is consistently amazing, and their big fruit smoothies, if you order them with Splenda rather than Turbinado, often clock in under 200 calories. Try the Jetty Punch!

I didn't get paid for that, I swear.

Day 67

So here we are, hurdling toward yet another weigh-in day.

I didn't talk about it in my last entry, but my weigh in from last week was a real revelation for me. My eating habits during the weekend prior to my most recent weigh-in were not so good. On Saturday, I ate a pizza. It was phenomenal. And I drank for the first time this year - I had plenty of wine at dinner with Christine's folks, and a little more when I got home. Given all of that stuff, I still managed to lose 2.5lbs last week.

That's just an illustration for me of how aggressively I was eating for years. If I can have a weekend where I eat a pizza, drink wine, and munch on cheeses and other assorted whatsit, and still lose a significant amount of weight, that's pretty impressive. Gaining weight at my size requires significant punishment on a regular and sustained basis. Judging by the fact that I've been in the 350-400 range for probably six or seven years, apparently I've been up to the challenge.

Having the guys in town this past weekend led to more excess, which I've mentioned. Don't get me wrong, I've eaten much worse, but this past weekend was absolutely the worst I've eaten since January 2nd when I started this little enterprise. But (and yeah, I'm a little proud of myself) I got back on the wagon on Monday and have been eating well since then.

Tomorrow morning's test will be how my body responds to the whole thing. If I was to express a hope, I'd hope I was still down about 1lb. But we'll just have to wait and see. No more big special events coming up for a few weeks, so Christine and I agreed to try to eat reasonably this weekend. It would be nice to put up a big number next week.

Day 65

Ok, so it's been a while. Again. Even though I haven't been writing, I've still been doing the underlying work.

I did weigh in on Friday and it was more good news - 378lbs on the mark, for a total loss of 32.8lbs. Of course, the downside was that my friends were in town from New York this weekend, and we ate in a fashion that would have made Attila the Hun tear up with pride.

I've spent the past few weeks fortifying my healthy food reserves. After my friend Chad gave me the protein shakes for my birthday, I went out and bought a different flavor of that brand (cookies and cream) for some contrast. Both of them taste great, and 500 calorie, 50g protein shake in the morning has been holding me until lunch. Don't cry for my Chobani stockpile, though, they just get rolled into Lunch or an afternoon snack.

I also got some different protein bars which, while expensive, are amazing. They're peanut butter and jelly flavored, which is pretty outrageous, and they have enough dietary fiber to unclog a shower drain. Or whatever.

After this past weekend, though, we don't have any more special events for a few weeks. I should be able to buckle down on the weekends and really make some headway. 32lbs in 65 days is a pretty good mark, and I'm excited to keep it going.

I'm trying to cook a bit more - Christine does a great job, but I haven't been contributing much. I made Slow Cooker Hawaiian Chicken last week (link) and proceeded to eat it for lunch five days in a row. That would bore a lot of people, but I was happy as a clam. Apparently this is an attribute that I share with my father.

Day 54

Weigh in day! At 380.5lbs, I have officially lost 30lbs in under 60 days. I set an unofficial goal for myself on my birthday - I'd like to weigh 100lbs less on my 27th birthday than I did on my 26th. Seems doable. 100lbs in 365 days is about 2lbs a week, and that's an aggressive, but doable (I think) target.

I've had a great couple weeks and let go of some of my strictness for a few meals for special occasions and things like that. Christine's parents are in town this week and my friends are here next week, but after that, we've got a whole lot of nothing on the calendar for about a month, and I find myself looking forward to it. A lack of special occasions means maybe I can control my weekend eating a little bit better.

We're going out to lunch today to celebrate my birthday, and we're going to the Buffalo Wing Factory. I thought yesterday that if my weigh-in went well, maybe I'd have wings as a reward, but that seems kind of counter-intuitive. Wings are delicious, but I haven't really been craving them, so I think it'll probably be a salad of some variety for lunch instead.

They brought in breakfast at work today for our corporate meeting, and so there were pancakes, waffles, slices of french toast, sausage links, and bacon strips aplenty. I had a yogurt parfait and some scrambled eggs, so I felt pretty good about that. I couldn't possibly estimate the calories there, but I can say for certain that I could have done a whole lot worse.

Day 51

I had a great weekend and am currently working on having a great birthday. Work is interfering.

Food over the weekend was a mixed bag, unsurprisingly. On Saturday, Christine and I went out for dinner at a nice restaurant in the neighborhood where we were staying. I had white bean soup, pork loin with green beans and sweet potato gratin, and we split desserts - butterscotch creme brulee and bananas foster bread pudding. We also went out for dinner on Sunday with a big group. That dinner FELT excessive, but upon further review, really wasn't. Vegetables, chicken, a little beef, couscous, and a pastry thing which had nuts and chicken and eggs in it.

Also: birthday cake. That wasn't so good for me. But I had a single slice and then was done with it. No second, no thirds, no fourths. So that's pretty acceptable. Yesterday I sat around my apartment and enjoyed my day off. Unfortunately Christine had to work so I lived the bachelor life, eating yogurt and a protein shake for breakfast, a healthy choice for lunch, another protein shake and a bag of Voila! sweet and sour chicken for dinner.

Our friends Chad and Katie gave me a big bucket of protein powder for my birthday. It's a sad state of affairs in my life when I can tell you that I was really excited to get it. What has become of me?

Using that is considerably cheaper than the Trader Joe's Pure Protein shakes, but the nutrition isn't quite as good. Nevertheless, I'm excited to have it and to be able to quit spending $5/day on protein shakes. It's also friggin' delicious. Tastes like a peanut butter cup milkshake.

So, food for today:

One Syntha-6 Protein Shake
- 290 calories
- 40 from fat
- 30g protein

Two Chobani Greek Yogurts
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Chick-fil-a Twelve Count Nuggets
- 400 calories
- 40g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing
- 125 calories
- 5g protein

Day 47

This morning's weigh in was bad. For the first time this year, I'm up a bit. Admittedly, I'm up .2lbs, which is one wet fart away from being even, but it still pisses me off. My body really wants to lose weight, and all I've got to do is not stop it. This week, I managed to stop it.

I'm not discouraged in any big way for a couple of reasons. One, I'm still down 27.3lbs. Two, it's .2lbs, and three, it's not like it was that much of a surprise. I didn't eat well last weekend and I wasn't as much of a zealot this week. Still, it's not something I'd like to repeat, so without further ado, may I re-introduce... the annoying task of recording everything I eat and the nutrition facts thereof!

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Black Cherry and Apple Cinnamon)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Morning Snack:
One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
Chick-fil-a Twelve Count Nuggets
- 400 calories
- 40g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing
- 125 calories
- 5g protein

This part isn't particularly fun to write and I'm sure it doesn't make for the world's most interesting reading, but it's what I was doing when I was dropping weight by the bushel, so it's worth going back to.

Afternoon Snack:
EAS Myoplex Lite Protein Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Dinner:
Chick-fil-a Four Piece Chicken Strips
- 480 calories
- 46g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard
- 125 calories
- 5g protein

Back to Chick-fil-a with Christine for dinner. I didn't order the strips, I ordered my standard nuggets, but I always eat the salad first and by the time I finished and found out that they got the order wrong, I didn't want to go return them, so I ate them. I didn't know at the time that I was looking at 80 more calories. But probably I'll live.

Day 46

Ugh. Today has been one of my dreaded 'hungry days'. Some days, no matter how much I eat, I'm just hungry. I hate these days, because I'm a big whiny baby when I'm hungry, and nobody likes a big whiny baby.

Two yogurts for breakfast, Chick-fil-a nuggets and a small side salad (which I totally didn't want, but greens are good) for lunch, and a protein bar already. I'm still pretty hungry.

Dad sent me a really interesting issue about plateauing, which makes a lot of good points, but two hit me especially. First, one week of not losing weight isn't really a plateau. Second, as often as not, you 'plateau' when you stop sticking to your plan and eat more. Hurrr, both of those make sense, and I've been guilty of both.

I'm not expecting a particularly good or bad weigh in tomorrow. My body has a great capacity to lose weight, but I also did really eat like hell on Sunday. The caramel apple and peanut butter bark were really good, and unlike so many meals I've had (like the fried chicken later that day), probably 'worth it' - but they certainly aren't going to reflect positively on the scale.

I'm thinking I'll probably be about even. That's OK for a week, but it's not a trend I'd really like to continue.

Day 45

Back at it today, and it feels pretty good. Two yogurts for breakfast, leftover taco casserole for lunch with some Ruffles Light potato chips, and I've got a protein bar and shake waiting for me this afternoon. 30lbs, here I come! Hopefully.

Off to dad's tonight for dinner and trains, both of which are always good. Busy day, sorry I don't have more to add for now.

Dad made turkey burgers and sauteed onions to go inside of pita pockets. Delicious and nutritious! He also had some Bolthouse Farms Yogurt Ranch dressing, which was waaaaaay better than regular ranch, as far as the nutrition goes, and surprisingly credible in the taste and texture department. This is a thing worth knowing.

Day 44

I lied yesterday. I totally did know what I was having for dinner, and it wasn't a Lean Cuisine. Christine and I went out yesterday to celebrate... well, certainly not Valentine's Day! We just celebrated that it was Monday. With flowers and roses and a night out. But not Valentine's Day! It was a surprise for Christine, so I didn't want to write about it here lest she check el bloggo.

We went to a restaurant called Mokomandy for dinner. After reading umpteen rave reviews for it, I thought it would be worth a try. It totally wasn't. It was all OK, but there was nothing special in the whole meal we ate, which was too bad. 

The meal itself was far from perfect from a nutritional standpoint, too. The restaurant was Korean and Cajun, but the different flavors weren't generally mixed - you could order bulgogi and fried green tomatoes... which we did. We also had fried (tempura) pickles and a 'wild boar bowl'. For dessert we had a spiced rum bread pudding. 

None of it was as good as it sounds. The best item we had was the bulgogi, but even that wasn't as good as you'd get at your average Korean BBQ place. So it was a disappointing meal mixed into a wonderful evening. Today I'm back in the saddle. Two yogurts for breakfast, Potbelly for lunch.

Day 43

Where to begin?

Well, I think I have a pretty well defined philosophy for my continuing diet. I've talked about this with my folks and with Christine, so it's not news, but I think it makes sense: I stay very tight to a very stringent diet during the week, and on the weekend, I do the best that I can.

Admittedly I came out of the gates very strong and stuck to a very tight diet on the weekends, and I'll do that when I can - but I had a lot of weekends to start the year where I didn't have much going on. When there's not much going on, you can pretty easily control your meals. But starting last weekend, here's my schedule:

Feb 5th - Super Bowl
Feb 11th and 12th - Atlantic city
Feb 19th - My birthday dinner
Feb 25th and 26th - Christine's parents are in town
March 3rd and 4th - The guys are in town

So it's just not practical to eat my standard meal on every weekend day for that whole period. Not only is it not practical, I just know that it's not going to happen, so if I get wrapped up in it and get mad at myself for 'cheating' I'm going to do myself more harm than good. So during the week, I can be a Food Nazi. It's not even that hard. During the weekend, I can control most of it, and just do my best when we go out to eat. And not snack. No snacking!

This past weekend was a bit of a mess. We had an amazing dinner Saturday night which certainly wasn't low-cal, and then had Panda Express, a caramel apple, a piece of peanut butter bark, and fried chicken yesterday. That looks so much worse when I write it down than it felt going into my body. Yikes.

The one thing I've been really bad at with diets in the past is letting myself make mistakes and then just getting on with it - so that's what I'm trying to do here. I was totally OK with having the big dinner on Saturday, but yesterday got a little bit out of control. Nothing for it except to get back to basics this week.

Protein shake and a 90 calorie Special-K bar for breakfast, Potbelly Big Wreck on Thin-cut wheat for lunch. I'll have another shake this afternoon and probably a Lean Cuisine or something for dinner, and just get back after it. I'd like to cross that 30lb mark sooner, rather than later.

Day 40

Sorry for the lack of updates - work has been bananas and I just haven't made the time to write, which stinks.

Today was a weigh in day, and although I was on Christine's scale, it can't be that far off of mine... and it said I was down 2.5 lbs! I don't have a picture, and I'm hesitant to officially record it because it's a different scale, but it's encouraging anyhow.

To have pigged out on Sunday and still lost weight is pretty heartening, but I'm not going to let it encourage me to just eat more and figure everything will be ok. This is the point I often get to in diets - do great, lose a bunch of weight, eat a little bit and still lose weight - where I figure that I'm golden and stop working for it. Once I do that, I start packing on the weight again. This time I'm serious, and I can't wait to be out of the 380s, hopefully for good.

A banana and a protein bar for breakfast and mid-morning snack, a Potbelly sandwich (Big Wreck, thin cut wheat) and Baked Lays for lunch, and who knows what for dinner.

Christine and I are headed to Atlantic City for the weekend, and it'll be a challenge to go there and not eat or drink, which is usually about 60% of what we do when we're on vacation. Gambling, ahoy!

Speaking of Christine - she's working so hard to lose weight and has done a great job. As of last weekend, she was down more than 10lbs. The eating on Sunday seemed to have a worse effect on her, and she's now up about 2lbs from where she was, which is of course really discouraging. So here's my public shout-out: You go, baby girl! You're doing great - don't let a shitty week get you down. Just keep eating right and you'll be fine. I love you.

Day 38

I was at Christine's last night and I don't have my sacred stack of yogurts - quelle horreur! So all I've had for breakfast is a protein shake, and it seems like an early lunch is in the cards. I can live with that, but dammit Chobani, I miss you!

Went out for lunch and had a cup of chili and a chicken caesar salad, so probably a little saltier than I'd have liked, but tasty and not bad.

Given the teeny-tiny breakfast that I had (and lack of a morning snack!) I was hungry when I got home, so I had my two Chobanis, which tided me over until dinner. I had a Lean Cuisine, which wasn't necessarily the best choice, but was tasty and easy. I'm pretty nervous about my weigh-in on Friday, we'll see what kind of impact the Sunday Funday Eating Extravaganza had.

Day 37

It's amazing how much better I feel when I don't eat like garbage. Yogurt for breakfast, tea, and water. Trying to get all that junk from this weekend out of my system.

I did splurge on Sunday and have some soda - and now I'm paying for it. I've got a delightful caffeine headache, which just reminds me why I'm not drinking so much of it anymore. I can't figure out how something that makes me gourd hurt as it leaves my system could really be good for me.

I realized around noon that I was hungry as the devil, and shortly thereafter realized why - I forgot to have my shake! That's no good.

We went to Potbelly for lunch, and I had a double-ham on thin cut wheat. It's been an adjustment, getting rid of condiments, but I find that I don't miss mayonnaise quite as badly when the sandwich is covered in Potbelly's hot peppers. I just think about my mouth being on fire instead.

Christine was at Trader Joe's last night and picked up whole wheat pizza dough and lowfat string cheese. We combined that with some tomato sauce, and made ourselves some pretty healthy pizza! 8 slices, 220 calories per slice, and damn if it wasn't tasty. I had three slices and didn't even feel bad about it. This was a really fun way to have something I adore (pizza!!!) and not feel nearly as bad about it as I often do. Prettttty good.

Day 36

So Christine and I experimented with cheating on our diets this weekend. Given that it was the Super Bowl, and we both felt overdue to indulge a bit, we had breakfast at IHOP on Saturday, and then had lots of snacks for the Super Bowl on Sunday night.

Breakfast on Saturday was fine - my pancakes were yummy and my bacon was delish, but I felt sluggish and bloated after the meal. All in all, I concluded, I wasn't sure it was worth the guilt. But I stayed excited for Sunday, because I was getting pizza and cheesy dip and cookie dough - basically one day's worth of exposure to all the stuff that put me in this hole in the first place.

I ate it, I ate lots of it, I enjoyed it, and then I felt like an absolute pile of shit. I couldn't sleep because I felt so weighed down and truly gross. This was an incredibly important lesson. In the future, on weekends when I feel like I really need to cheat, I'm going to get one or two things that I really want, and not take it as an opportunity to binge wholesale. Doing so didn't make me feel better, physically or mentally, and wasn't worth it in the least.

Back to my regularly scheduled programming - two yogurts for breakfast!

Pretty standard fare for the rest of the day. Potbelly sandwich for lunch, protein bar for a snack, and a lean cuisine for dinner. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

Day 33

That'll do, pig. That'll do. 25lbs, on the dot, in 32 days.

Breakfast: Two yogurts, as per usual.
Snack: Chocolate Pure Protein shake
Lunch: Leftover shepherd's pie (so good) and about an ounce of baked Ruffles (sour cream and cheddar flavor).

Day 32

It's annoying to know that you've plateaued. I had this urge to hop on the scale this morning and maybe just not write anything about it here, but I've started this whole project in an effort to be transparent and keep myself honest.

I know it's a bad idea to keep weighing myself, and I'm not doing it anymore, but it's oddly tempting. The first pile of pounds came off so quickly and looking at the scale was such an encouragement that it's hard to lose that on a daily basis.

Food-wise, I'm not blogging every meal quite as strictly, but I'm eating all the same things. By now I know the calories in my shakes, yogurts, and protein bars by heart, and so a lot of the counting is done for me. I'm still having two yogurts for breakfast, one or two shakes and a protein bar throughout the day. For lunch and dinner, we've been eating things that are harder to simply count the calories on. But at some level, you just have to know that if you're eating chicken breast and vegetables, you're doing alright.

Breakfast was yogurt.

For lunch we went to Boston Market. I got turkey breast, mixed vegetables, and green beans. No cornbread, which broke my heart.

Christine made a really excellent Turkey Shepherd's Pie for dinner, and then it was time to hold my breath and wait for the weigh in Friday morning.

Day 31

Breakfast:

I had a pair of Fage yogurts for breakfast this morning. I was coming from Christine's apartment where I don't have my massive storehouse of Chobani, so I stopped at Trader Joe's and grabbed those suckers. They're still not better than Chobani, I don't care what anyone says.

- 260 calories
- 0 from fat
- 26g protein

I also didn't weigh myself. I won't be doing that until Friday.

I had leftover maple-pecan chicken for lunch, which was tasty but rubbery because I put it in the microwave, and a pair of protein shakes throughout the day for filler.

For dinner I had two small (but meaty) ham and cheese sandwiches at my folks' place. All in all, not a bad day. I had trouble sleeping and had the urge to midnight snack, which I really never have before, but I didn't indulge.

Day 30

My father commented in my last entry that I need to stop weighing myself every day, because I'll drive myself crazy. He was not wrong. Today will be my last non-Friday weigh in. After coming in at 387 on Monday, I came in at 388 today.

Now, I know that's horseshit. I know what I ate yesterday, and there wasn't anything bad. For dinner I had a pair of boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Nobody gains weight eating like that. But I'm hopping on the scale every morning, and as Christine pointed out, that's great fun at the beginning. We've reached the point in the diet, though, where I need to weigh myself each week and just trust that I'm doing the right things.

I do need to incorporate exercise, I know that. I've got to start up on that soon, but for now, I figure that if I keep eating the same (low) amount of calories and getting all the protein and vitamins I need, I'll be fine.

Today I had:

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts, Blood Orange and Peach

Lunch:
Salad w/ chicken, black beans, cheese, and salsa for dressing
- Moe's catered lunch for us for a corporate meeting today, so I ended up raiding the fixins bar to make myself a bootleg salad.

Afternoon Snack:
EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bar

Afternoon Shake:
Banana Creme Pure Protein Shake

I stopped at Trader Joe's to buy some more shakes after work today. I can order them from Amazon, but they're literally the same price. Only reason to do that would be if I wanted more Banana Creme, as TJ's only carries Chocolate and Vanilla. But Chocolate is my fave, so I'm not worried.

Dinner:
Maple-Pecan Chicken Tenders
- Christine made these from a recipe that I found in a healthy-food cookbook. She kept apologizing because she thought they were dry, but they reminded me of chicken fingers or coconut chicken, because they were a little crunchy and a little sweet. I was a big fan, and there are leftovers.

Day 29

This weekend was amazing on almost every front, but frustrating for my diet. I didn't eat poorly, with the exception of a single hot dog on Saturday. And I ought to be able to handle a single hot dog.

This morning when I got on the scale I was back down, to the tune of 387.00. So that's another two pounds or so which mysteriously decided to stay in my body for most of the weekend, just for shits and giggles. Well, whatever. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and all that cliched business.

I'm amazed, and not necessarily in a good way, by my own highs and lows emotionally for this diet. I was downright morose on Sunday morning because I seemed to be up half a pound. Even if I WAS up half a pound, I was still down 20.5. But it's hard to keep everything in perspective.

This weekend was also difficult because it was the first time I was hit by a lot of cravings. I wanted almost every piece of food that crossed my field of vision, which was something that my early-January-weight-loss-trance insulated me from. It's harder and more frustrating to keep away from cheating when you feel like your weight is going up anyway. If I'm going to get wet, I might as well jump into the pool, right?

I'm proud of myself because through all that, I didn't cheat. I did let myself have a 'big' dinner on Friday night, which meant that I added a bag of baked lays to my small sandwich and chili from Quiznos, but in the universe of diet crimes, I think that's the equivalent of jaywalking on Manhattan.

And an interesting thing is happening today... I can't seem to keep my shirt tucked in, because my pants are too loose and my belt needs another hole in it. Curious.

Breakfast:
Two 6oz Chobani Yogurts (Peach and Black Cherry)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Morning Snack:
One Banana Creme Pure Protein Shake
- 150 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
Twelve Piece Chick-fil-a Nuggets
- 400 calories
- 40g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard
- 130 calories
- 5g protein

Afternoon Snack:
EAS Peanut Caramel Crisp Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Day 28

Man alive, this has been a trying weekend. Food, food everywhere, and I'm craving almost all of it. Sorry for the lack of updates. Between a busy schedule and my frustration with the scale, I haven't been much in the blogging mood. Never fear, though, I've been keeping the faith. With the exception of a hot dog before the Polar Bear Plunge yesterday, I haven't eaten anything I'm unhappy with.

I started today with a Jimmy Dean Delight muffin with Canadian Bacon, and then we went to Bertucci's for a late lunch where I had a bowl of minestrone soup and a chicken caesar salad. Not bad, all in all.

With that said, the scale and I aren't exactly besties right at the moment. I woke up yesterday morning and looked to be a little bit up, and then I woke up this morning and was even further up. Not sure what's going on, but it may have to do with the fact that I'm not sucking down as much water on the weekends as I do during the week. So today's project has been to rectify that. We'll see how the scale looks tomorrow morning.

Day 26

Weigh in day!

The picture on my phone came out all blurry so I'm not going to post it, but I came in at 389.4. So that's a total of 21.4lbs in 25 days, and 5.4lbs in the last 7. Pretty, pretty good. I'll re-weigh in sometime this weekend and post the picture.

Breakfast:
Two 6oz Chobani Yogurts (Black Cherry and Apple Cinnamon)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Morning Snack:
One Banana Creme Pure Protein Shake
- 150 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
For lunch I had leftovers from the delicious Mexican casserole/chicken/bean/who knows what that Christine made last night. And a bunch of carrots.

For the first time in 26 days, I've been really tempted to cheat today. There was a board meeting at work this morning, and they brought in Chick-fil-a for breakfast. Now, I've been having Chick-fil-a for lunch, but you don't know bliss until you know CFA breakfast. Their hash browns, chicken minis, and their chicken-egg-and-cheese bagel are all outstanding, and all of them are, at this minute, sitting on the counter in the kitchen, open to whoever wants them. I keep reminding myself that by now, they've been sitting on that counter for five hours. They would invariably be disappointing, and I'd feel like an absolute piece of dog shit after I cheated on my diet for something so insignificant. This is what willpower is for.

For now, I'll just keep my eyes on the prize. I could very well be down 25lbs by the end of January, which puts me on track to really demolish my goal of 50lbs by July 1st. That provides a lot of gratification by itself, though it's not quite the same as a fresh hot biscuit. It's better though, right? Right?

Right.

Day 25

Breakfast:

Two 6oz Chobani Yogurts (Strawberry and Apple Cinnamon)

- 280 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

Morning Snack:

One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:

Chick-fil-a Twelve Count Nuggets

- 400 calories

- 40g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing

- 130 calories

- 5g protein

Today has been an absolute crazy-fest. I know I've said it before, but these are so often the days where I go off the rails and eat twenty seven scoops of ice cream or some shit, but I'm not doing it anymore. Oddly, I don't even really want to.

I've been thinking that sooner or later, when I'm not really about to hit a milestone, I'm going to give myself a day off. A lot of diets will give you one day a week, and I don't even want that. But I may take one day a month. I already know what I'm going to eat, too. I've been pretty unforgiving with what I eat and drink - other than one beer on our last night in Disney I've had nothing but water since I started - and I'm actually totally OK with that. But I know that I need to let out a little bit of the pressure sometime.

But "Today," to quote Aragorn, "is not that day." Today, as it turns out, I'm about to weigh in officially down more than twenty pounds. And it feels pretty damn good.

Afternoon Snack:
One EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Dinner:
Christine made some sort of Mexican chicken-corn-bean business last night which was outstanding. I have no idea what the nutritional value was, but... chicken, corn, beans, peppers, and some lowfat cream cheese. So no worries. I like to track all the specific nutrition facts, but it's just not a sustainable thing, and when you're eating pretty well, sometimes you have to just let go and enjoy it.

Day 24

Well, unless Christine's scale and mine are more than .8lbs different, I've officially hit the 20lb mark. I weighed in this morning on her scale at 390lbs on the dot.

That doesn't suck.

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Apple Cinnamon and Strawberry)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Morning Snack:
One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
Pork and Sauerkraut Leftovers

Afternoon Snack:
One EAS Myoplex Lite Peanut Caramel Crisp Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Dinner:
Two Costco Turkey Burgers
- 400 calories
- 70g protein

These were definitely yummier than the Jennie-O variety that I normally eat. Dad grilled up a bunch of onions and cooked some green beans, neither of which I'm going to count, and we had a fine dinner.

Totals:
- 1040 calories + the pork and kraut
- 50+ from fat
- 148g protein + the pork and kraut

Day 23

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Cherry and Apple Cinnamon)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Lunch:
Moe's 'Close Talker' Chicken Salad (No Shell)
- 459 calories
- 170 calories
- 40g protein

Afternoon Snack:
One EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Afternoon Shake:
One Banana Creme Pure Protein Shake
- 150 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Dinner:
Christine made pork and sauerkraut in the slow cooker for dinner, and it was delicious! I don't have the nutritional information for it, but it was literally pork tenderloin and sauerkraut. So it can't have been too bad.

Day 22

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Apple Cinnamon and Lemon)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 29g protein

This was my first shot at the Lemon Chobani. It was perfectly tasty and has an extra gram of protein, since lemons are made of meat. Or something.

Morning Snack:
One Vanilla Pure Protein Shake
- 160 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
Chick-fil-a Chicken Strip Salad
- 570 calories
- 40g protein

Afternoon Snack:
One EAS Myoplex Lite Peanut Caramel Crisp Bar
- 190 calories
- 50 from fat
- 15g protein

Evening Snack:
One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Dinner:
One Healthy Choice Grilled Chicken Marinara with Parmesan
- 280 calories
- 40 from fat
- 20g protein

Totals:
- 1650 calories
- 110+ from fat
- 174g protein

Day 21

Breakfast:
One Jimmy Dean Delights Canadian Bacon Honey Wheat Muffin
- 230 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

One Third of a Jimmy Dean Delights Turkey Sausage Muffin
- 90 calories
- 20 from fat
- 6g protein

Christine was having that turkey sausage muffin, and she decided about two thirds of the way through that she didn't like it. That was where I came in.

Lunch:
One Subway Six-inch Buffalo Chicken Sub (Double Meat, No Ranch)
- 370 calories
- 50 from fat
- 39g protein

Afternoon Snack:
One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

For dinner, Christine made an amazing Hawaiian Chicken in the slow cooker. I don't have the nutritional information for it, but it was boneless skinless chicken breast, some BBQ sauce, and pineapple. So I'm not really terribly worried, especially given my 900 calorie day yesterday. I really need to be more careful than that.

I also had a sugar free creamsicle for dessert, which ran me a murderous 40 calories.

Day 20

I weighed in again this morning to see what the deal was, and I'm down another pound and a half. Came in this morning at 393.2. So that's good.

Breakfast:
Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Blueberry and Cherry)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Lunch:
One Lean Cuisine French Bread Pepperoni Pizza
- 310 calories
- 60 from fat
- 15g protein 

Another big party setting tonight, where I know there will be a certain buffalo chicken dip, one of my all time faves. I'll fire down another protein shake or something before we go to help me ward off the munchies.

Afternoon Snack:
 One Chocolate Chocolate Chip Protein Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein

Dinner:
One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 40 from fat
- 35g protein

No damn wonder I was so hungry when we got home from the party.

Totals:
- 950 calories
- 140 from fat
- 93g protein

I absolutely did not eat enough, but it wasn't intentional, I swear.

Day 19

Weigh in day.

Not bad, right? Except that I weighed in lower than that yesterday morning. By half a pound. Boooo!

Still, to keep a little bit of perspective, I've lost 3.6 lbs in the past week, and 16lbs overall. So I can live with that.

Then I went to work and set about eating my yogurts. One of them, with an expiration date which is a week from today, was all moldy. Double booooo!

I'm in meetings from now through 5:30 today, several of which are guaranteed to be unpleasant. This is shaping up to be just the kind of day I'd have tried to compensate for by eating absolute garbage in the past. Knowing that, and knowing that if hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the answer, I'm not going to fall prey to that business. Still, let's hope the hit parade fails to keep on marching this morning.

Breakfast:

One (curses!) 6oz Chobani Blood Orange Yogurt

- 140 calories

- 0 from fat

- 14g protein

Morning Snack:

One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:

One Quiznos Small Ham Sandwich w/ Cheese

- 310 calories

- 75 from fat

- 21g protein

One Bowl of Quiznos Chili

- 235 calories

- 50 from fat

- 20g protein

One of my meetings got canceled so I ran out with my coworker Betsy to grab some food from Quiznos. This meal was absolutely delicious! Their chili actually has some kick to it and is nice and chunky. I felt pretty good about this meal. It's proof that being able to look at the menu beforehand and make some choices can save you from a lot of temptation. I knew from the second that I walked in the door that I didn't have to look at the Chicken Carbonara sandwich and desire it mightily.  

Afternoon Snack:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bar

- 190 calories

- 40 from fat

- 15g protein 

Afternoon Protein Shake:

One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

Vapiano Chicken Caesar Salad

- 400 calories

- 30g protein

Vapiano doesn't publish their nutritional information, so I based this on the Bertucci's one from last week. The salad at Vapiano was a little smaller and had less chicken, so I'm just guesstimating here. It was fine, but not as good.

Totals:

- 1615 calories

-  235+ from fat

- 170g protein

Day 18

Breakfast:
Two Chobani (I missed you!) 6oz Yogurts (Cherry and Apple Cinnamon)
- 280 calories
- 0 from fat
- 28g protein

Morning Snack:
One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Lunch:
Chick-fil-a Twelve Count Nuggets
- 400 calories
- 40g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing
- 130 calories
- 5g protein

Afternoon Protein Bar:
One EAS Chocolate Chocolate Chip Protein Bar
- 190 calories
- 40 from fat
- 15g protein 

Dinner:
Two Jennie-o Turkey Burgers
- 320 calories
- 40 from fat
- 60g protein

Totals:
- 1390 calories
- 90+ from fat
- 178g protein

Weigh in tomorrow AM!

Day 17

Everybody keeps telling me that Fage Greek yogurt is so much better than Chobani, so I figured this morning I would do a little taste test. Rather than my usual two Chobanis, I tried a Fage 0% Cherry Pomegranate and a Trader Joe's 0% Pomegranate.

I won't be having either again.

The Fage was harmless, but it wasn't any better than the Chobani, and comes in a smaller container. One of my coworkers thinks maybe it wasn't any better because it's the 0% fat, but I'm not going to eat anything except the 0%, so I don't really give a hoot about how the 2% flavors match up.

The Trader Joe's was not good. It wasn't disgusting or anything, but it was distinctly chalky, and I don't really need my yogurt to taste like chalk. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned. It did have great nutritional information, but so does tree bark, and you won't find me eating much of that. Moral of the story for my little taste test is 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.' Chobani, I'm sorry I ever walked away from you... please take me back?

Breakfast:

One 5.3oz Fage 0% Cherry Pomegranate Yogurt

- 130 calories

- 0 from fat

- 13g protein

One 5.3oz Trader Joe's 0% Pomegranate Yogurt

- 110 calories

- 0 from fat

- 14g protein

Morning Protein Shake:

One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:

Tortilla Factory Fajita Salad

- 550 calories

- 35g protein

Roy and I went out to Tortilla Factory for lunch today, and they don't post their nutritional info, so the above is just an intentionally high guess. The salad itself was lettuce, a good amount of grilled chicken, cucumbers, tomatoes, and some cheese. I ordered it without the delicious tortilla chips that normally adorn it. I did leave the cheese on, though. I also used salsa instead of their jalapeno ranch for dressing.

Afternoon Protein Bar:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bar

- 190 calories

- 40 from fat

- 15g protein

Hey, tasty!

Afternoon Protein Shake:
One Chocolate Frost Pure Protein Shake
- 170 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Dinner:
Two Cold Cut and Vegetable Wraps
- I totally could calculate the calories and everything that were in these, and I will, but I don't have time to do it right now. It was the first time I felt like I really overate on the diet, but I think it was still pretty reasonable. I'm guessing somewhere in the 600 calorie range. That would, I believe, put me over 2,000 calories for the first time. Not by a lot, and it's not a pattern, so I'm not worried.

Day 16

Breakfast:

Two 6oz Chobani Yogurts (Strawberry and Peach)

- 280 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

I went home and turned into a total lump last night, so I just finished up my journal for the day and did my totals. I was surprised to find myself as close to 2000 calories as I ended up. Still, I guess that's not too bad.

Morning Snack:

One Banana Pure Protein Shake

- 150 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:

Chick-fil-a Chicken Strip Salad (w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing)

- 550 calories

- ?? from fat

- 40g protein

So this is basically the same thing as my nugget/side salad meal, except it's got a lot more salad, which I view as a plus.

The temptations of working in an office...

Afternoon Snack:

One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

Two Jennie-O Turkey Burgers

- 320 calories

- 40 from fat

- 60g protein

Total:

- 1470 calories

- 60+ from fat

- 198g protein

Day 15

So we are officially to and through the two week mark. I thought this might be a good time to do a little bit of reflecting.

I started this diet at what was probably my heaviest weight ever. Not by a lot, mind you - I've tipped the 400lb mark before, but I don't think I've ever been to 410. I don't want to go back there, but I've started many a diet and crapped out after a few months. All this writing and obsessive note taking is my attempt to break that cycle.

I weigh myself most mornings. I'm officially recording it at set intervals, but I do hop on the scale most days. It's just a matter of seeing how the food and activity of the day before impacted me. As it turns out, after fourteen full days, I've lost 13.8 pounds. That's a great way to get off the blocks, but I know as well as you do that it's not a pace I can maintain. I'm not going to lose 175lbs in 175 days. I do, however, think that I can lose 175lbs in 730 days. That's basically a pound every four days, with a little bit of wiggle room. My immediate goal is to be down fifty pounds by 7/1/2012. I'd like to be down 100lbs by 1/1/2013.

Aggressive goals, to be sure, and two years is a long time. But it took me a lot longer than two years to get to this point, and if I can get back to some semblance of normal in that amount of time, I'll be thrilled.

My confidence comes from the fact that, unlike almost every other diet I've been on, I am not remotely hungry. I'm eating enough, eating lots of protein, and eating at pretty regular intervals, and that's keeping me full. When I'm full, as it turns out, it's pretty easy for me to resist tortilla chips and dips and cookies and cake. What's more, I haven't left any situation feeling deprived, which is making me feel like I'm not really on a diet.

I'm cautiously optimistic about this whole thing. I'm down basically fourteen pounds in fourteen days, and I spent four of those days in Disney eating most of what I wanted, while skipping snacks. That feels to me like something I can maintain.

Ok, I'll shut up already.

Breakfast:

Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Cherry and Blueberry)

- 280 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

Morning Snack:

One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:

Chick-fil-a Chicken Nuggets, 12 Count

- 400 calories

- ?? from fat

- 42g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing

- 130 calories

- 0 from fat

- 5g protein

Afternoon Snack:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Peanut Caramel Crunch Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Evening Snack:

One Banana Pure Protein Shake

- 150 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

Leftover (Awesome) Taco Casserole

- 600 calories

- ?? from fat

- 50g protein

Totals:

- 1920 calories

- 70+ from fat

- 200g protein

Day 14

The two week mark! Never mind that I had four days off in the middle.

Breakfast:

One Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Lunch:
One Six Inch Oven Roasted Chicken Breast Subway Sub w/ Double Meat
- 410 calories
- 65 from fat
- 38g protein

Evening Snack:

One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

Two Cups of Weight Watchers Taco Casserole

- 600 calories

- ?? from fat

- 50g protein

Christine was looking up recipes for us to try and she found this one. We both decided that it sounded good and the nutrition facts were totally doable. Two cups, as I had, was two servings (out of six) and it was absolutely AMAZING. So tasty! She used lowfat sour cream, baked tortilla chips, reduced fat cheese, and what came out was a creamy, meaty, cheesy delight. Not flavors you really expect to be able to get a lot of while on a diet.

Even better, because she loves me, Christine let me keep the leftovers. I know what I'm having for dinner toniiiiiiiight...

Totals:

- 1440 calories

- 85+ from fat

- 168g protein

Day 13

It's a little harder to keep track of all this stuff on the weekend. Today's entry is going to be somewhat vague, but I'm still keeping the faith.

Breakfast:

One cup (dry) oatmeal

- 300 calories

- 50 from fat

- 10g protein

Two apples

- 160 calories

- 0 from fat

- 0g protein

Morning Snack:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Peanut Caramel Crunch Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Lunch, unfortunately, I can't really quantify. Christine and I were at Fair Oaks Mall, and decided to have a nice lunch out. This was our main meal of the day, and it was kind of a big one, but wasn't terrible. We went to Texas de Brazil, a Brazilian steakhouse, and I chowed down on lots of grilled meat and vegetables from the salad bar. I can't even guesstimate how much of what kinds of meat I had, but all I know is that I didn't eat the fried banana that came with the food, and we didn't order dessert. Probably not the best thing for me ever, but I'd say it was also far from the worst. In fact, the whole thing probably had less fat than a large Dairy Queen milkshake.

Tonight will be the first time since I've started this that I know I'll be in front of a bunch of finger foods and appetizers and the like. Keeping my paws off them is critical to my success.

The party was great I managed to avoid all the bad foods, and instead ate a whole bunch of carrots and celery. On the way to the party I had my

Dinner:

One Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

And that was all she wrote. Not going to do totals for today, because without knowing what lunch was, it's not really worth counting.

Day 12

12 pounds in 12 days. Good way to start. See you never, 400lbs.

Breakfast:

Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Cherry and Blood Orange)

- 280 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

Morning Snack:

One Chocolate Pure Protein Shake

- 170 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

For ten more calories than vanilla and twenty more than banana, I get chocolate milk that's chock full of protein. This is a dangerous thing to know.

Lunch:

Chick-fil-a Chicken Nuggets, 12 Count

- 400 calories

- ?? from fat

- 42g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing

- 130 calories

- 0 from fat

- 5g protein

I need to stop eating this. It's really good, but the more I look at it, that '??' calories from fat makes me more and more anxious. But sweet mercy, what a way to spend 400 calories. You're so delicious, Chick-fil-a.

Afternoon Protein Bar:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Peanut Caramel Crisp Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Switched up the flavor with one of new ones, and this was actually tasty, even for non-protein-bar related foods. This flavor is a keeper.

Evening Snack:

One Banana Cream Pure Protein Shake

- 150 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

After a long week, Christine and I decided we'd go out to dinner. For me, this will be my first meal at a restaurant since I've started dieting, and that I was counting the stats for. We ate out in Disney, but that was a mess, and I go out for lunch, but that's quick and easily controlled. This was going to be a little more difficult.

We ended up at Bertucci's, and I have to say, our meal was GREAT. I was caught off guard by that - we've been to Bertucci's before, but it's been pretty average. Thanks to their online menu and nutritional facts, I was able to make some choices before I even walked in the door, and what I ordered turned out to be great. Ditto for Christine.

Dinner:

One Cup of Tuscan Minestrone Soup

- 100 calories

- ?? from fat

- 6g protein

One Chicken Caesar Salad

- 430 calories

- ?? from fat

- 40g protein

Totals:

- 1850 calories

- 70 + ?? from fat

- 206g protein

Day 11

My Amazon products all came yesterday, but for reasons unspecified, one of the packs of smoothies was delivered to my door, while the bars and other smoothies were left at the leasing office. Well, fine, whatever.

Breakfast:

Two Chobani 6oz Yogurts (Cherry and Strawberry)

- 280 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

Shazaam! I brought two of my new shakes to work. These ones are Banana Cream. The last ones were Vanilla Creme. So Creme vs. Cream. Is there a difference? Googling reveals that Creme can be a manufactured flavor, but Cream is what comes from a cow. The ingredients reveal milk protein, but not cream, in both of them. So basically it's marketing nonsense. Case closed, Inspector Clouseau.

Morning Snack:

One Banana Cream Pure Protein Shake

- 150 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Delicious. 10 calories less than the vanilla one, but did I detect a hint of creme? No, not possible, this was cream!

Had a nice lunch at Subway. I was surprised to find out that I was actually eating more calories than I usually do at Potbelly for instance, but it was tasty and filling. Adding that extra bread on a footlong sub is kind of a calorie bomb, and Subway doesn't have the option to thin-cut the bread the way Potbelly does.

Lunch:

One Subway Footlong Oven Roasted Chicken Sub w/ Honey Mustard and Veggies

- 700 calories

- 90 from fat

- 46g protein

I also bought a 1.5L bottle of water and drank the whole thing, in addition to another 1.5L this morning. So 3L of water by 1:30pm. I'm going to spend the afternoon running to the restroom.

Afternoon Snack:

One EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

I feel like I ought to start calling this my afternoon protein bar. I ordered more of these and some of another flavor, so I'm excited to get those tonight.

Evening Snack:

One Banana Cream Pure Protein Shake

- 150 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

Two Jennie-o Turkey Burgers
- 320 Calories
- 40 from fat
- 60g protein

Plus carrots and ketchup, which I'm not even going to count.

Totals:
- 1790 calories
- 200 from fat
- 219g protein

Day 10

Breakfast:

1 6oz Chobani Blood Orange Yogurt

- 140 calories

- 0 from fat

- 14g protein

1 6oz Chobani Apple Cinnamon Yogurt

- 140 calories

- 0 from fat

- 14g protein

Morning Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

So if you've been reading this, you've noticed by now that I'm kind of obsessed with Chobani Greek Yogurt. I love that stuff, so yesterday when I was at the store I was excited to see two new flavors. I had one of each for breakfast, and they were both delicious. I love that the yogurt is nonfat, high in protein, and to my taste, it's also totally delish. I've got a bunch of those Pure Protein shakes coming from Amazon today, so I'm excited for that. I ordered Banana Creme and Chocolate Frost (what exactly is the flavor of frost?) which are supposed to be better than the Vanilla Creme. If that's true, I'll be thrilled because I like the Vanilla Creme ones just fine.

El Luncherino:

Chick-fil-a Chicken Nuggets, 12 Count

- 400 calories

- ?? from fat

- 42g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing

- 130 calories

- 0 from fat

- 5g protein

...which is to say that I enjoyed yesterday's lunch so much that I had it again.

I bet you can guess what I had for my...

Afternoon Snack:

1 EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Evening Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Trains with dad and Jason tonight, which was great. It's also the first meal I've had while tracking my calories ad fat and whatnot that didn't have a nutrition label. So here are my best estimates for...

Dinner:

1 Ham and Pepper Jack Panini on French Bread

- 570 calories

- 200 from fat

- 37g protein

Which brings us to today's...

Totals:

- 1770 calories

- 270 + whatever was in the nuggets from fat

- 197g protein

Holy protein, Batman.

Day 9

Breakfast:

1 and 1/3 cup Chobani Vanilla Yogurt

- 200 calories

- 0 from fat

- 28g protein

I also sprinkled some grapes on top, which helped the vanilla. Greek yogurt is usually tart, and the strawberry is a little bit, but that tartness really comes through in the vanilla. The grapes help.

Morning Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Holy shit, work is crazy today and isn't going to get any less crazy. I'm a big stress eater, and those urges are roaring right now, but I'm busily telling myself that I'd rather lose weight than have two Chick-fil-a classic chicken sandwiches with cheese.

Lunch-a-tron:

Chick-fil-a Chicken Nuggets, 12 Count

- 400 calories

- ?? from fat

- 42g protein

Side Salad w/ Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing

- 130 calories

- 0 from fat

- 5g protein

So I still had Chick-fil-a, but I didn't have two sandwiches. By the way, writing that first thing about two sandwiches was the first detail about which I had a strong urge to lie. I used to sometimes get two sandwiches, and eat one of them really quickly so that I could throw it away and pretend like I only had one. That's some seriously heavy behavior, and owning up to doing it is hard. But that comes back to what I said yesterday about writing all of this down being somewhat comforting. Writing down every bite of food that crosses my lips gives me a kind of accountability which was exactly what I was avoiding by scarfing down two sandwiches and disposing of the wrapper before anybody noticed.

Afternoon Snack:

1 EAS Myoplex Lite Protein Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Evening Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Well that was a friggin' mess. I was feeling good about myself, having gone to the store and done some responsible (and discount!) shopping. I went to Harris Teeter, picked up nine chicken breasts (for the price of three!) a whole pile of yogurt, some sodium free marinade, and a few Lean Cuisines. Spent $49, saved $39.

I got home and bagged up seven of the chicken breasts to go in the freezer, then put the other two in the marinade, and went on about my business. An hour later, I slapped the chicken on my trusty George Foreman grill. Fourteen minutes later, the chicken was burning on the outside, and raw on the inside. Shit.

Probably the insides were frozen when I put them on the grill and never caught up. So into the bin they went. Boooooo!

Dinner:

1 Lean Cuisine Sweet and Sour Chicken

- 300 calories

- 25 from fat

- 18g protein

1 Lean Cuisine Thai-Style Noodles with Chicken

- 300 calories

- 60 from fat

- 19g protein

They were both good, but I'm not thrilled. I was really looking forward to keeping it super low cal and high protein with those chicken breasts. Phooey.

Totals:

- 1840 calories

- 155 from fat (plus whatever was in the nuggets)

- 187g protein

Day 8

And so it re-begins. Sorry that I didn't write anything yesterday, but it was a very busy day and I collapsed shortly after getting home.

Looking at the trip as a whole, I think I'm more proud of what I didn't eat than what I did. For the major meals, I often ate whatever I wanted, and tried to make complimentary choices (apple slices instead of fries keeps sticking out.) But I didn't do a lot of eating between meals. If I needed a quick snack, I grabbed a banana and a bottle of water. I avoided the soft pretzels and candy bars, the ice cream cones and the churros.

As I discussed with my folks last night, it takes an almost concentrated effort to stay this heavy. You really have to not resist a single temptation. I curbed that pretty hard this weekend, and I feel pretty good about what I did. I also kept in mind that I was on vacation, and that doesn't happen all the time.

I won't be weighing in until Friday, I don't think. I'll give my body a few days to clear out all the salt and crap, and then see where we are. For now, back to the process of recording every bite that crosses my lips. After not doing so for a few days, I'm actually kind of comforted by returning to the practice. The accountability is reassuring.

Breakfast:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Morning Snack:

1 EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Peanut Butter Crisp Bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

I think I'll have to order some more of these. Totally edible as protein bars go and acceptable from a nutrition standpoint, although inferior in every way to the shakes I've been drinking. But I'm not going to drink four of those every day.

Lunch:

Potbelly Turkey Breast (Double Meat) on Thin Cut Wheat

- 465 calories

- 111 from fat

- 47g protein

Baked Lays

- 130 calories

- 15 from fat

- 2g protein

This was tasty, but when I reviewed the nutrition facts, the sodium in Potbelly's turkey is off the charts, so that's less than perfect. I went with the double meat to try to keep my protein numbers really high, and it was good, but I'm not sure it was worth the extra sodium.

I also just ordered some of those protein shakes and protein bars from Amazon. I probably need to start making my own protein shakes eventually, but those have a tendency to be really grainy and therefore gross. Not sure how to get around that.

Le Afternoon Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Dinner:

1 Lean Cuisine Asiago Cheese Tortellini

- 280 calories

- 60 from fat

- 14g protein

The tortellini and the sauce were really good, but there was a bunch of zucchini in it which was really bitter. Too bad, because I really like zucchini.

1 Lean Cuisine Chicken Margherita

- 310 calories

- 60 from fat

-22g protein

This one was delicious. I need to stop eating them. They're tasty and low calories and reasonably high in protein, but they're also high in sodium, not particularly cheap, and don't do me a lot of good in the long term. Heating up meals doesn't teach me how to do anything but heat up meals.

Grand Total:

- 1695 calories

- 316 from fat

- 170g protein

Day 6

Not much new to report. Disney has been wonderful and the temptations have been numerous. Still, I'm just trying to make decent choices while enjoying myself. This has made me think about how enjoyment and food are tied together for me. I get a great deal of enjoyment out of eating, and sometimes find myself worried more about filling the gaps between meals than what I'm actually doing. That has been less of an issue this week, because what I'm actually doing is awesome.

I find myself anticipating meals and snacks with great excitement. I'm managing to plug a lot of those holes with water and bananas, but the occasional tasty treat slips through. As far as sustainability goes, that's actually probably fine. For somebody who gets as much enjoyment out of eating as I do, constant deprivation may be a path to failure, which I can't accept any more. The trick is to put a stop to the incessant cavalcade of tasty treats, and treat them as something special, rather than something routine. Ok, home tomorrow and back to real food tracking on Monday.

Day 5

Well, day 5 is in the books and was something of a loss. I'm still basically just trying to do the best that I can, but today I didn't do especially well. Stuffed French Toast for breakfast (fruit instead of bacon, though!) a turkey sandwich for lunch (apple slices instead of fries) and orange chicken for dinner. Not great, but I've done way worse. And the big difference is that I'm not snacking. No candy here and ice cream there. No pretzels, no frozen lemonade, no marshmallo goodies. We did buy a big caramel apple, and yeah, we're going to eat it. But we've also walked roughly a million miles, which should offset some of it. My feet hurt, I'm going to sleep.

Day 4

Disney is amazing. I'm doing pretty well on the food choices and having a few protein bars in my bag helps. Given all the walking, I'm hopeful that I can come home even. Doing this on my phone sucks.

Day 3

I got an early start on the day today, because I went to bed at 10pm last night like a real lame-o. I think that's one of the side effects of cutting the caffeine out of my diet, but I slept like a rock until about 6:45 this morning. I had a nice cup of green tea upon waking up, and figured I'd go with the 'big breakfast' plan to try to fortify myself against the inevitable temptations of the day.

Breakfast:

1 and 1/3 cup of Chobani Strawberry Yogurt

- 250 calories

- 0 from fat

- 25g protein

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake

- 160 calories

- 10 from fat

- 35g protein

Apparently I've been having a little more than a cup of the yogurt each morning, because my four serving container is gone. So the nutritional info is more in line with what's above. Still, I'm not going to flagellate myself for going a little overboard on nonfat high-protein yogurt. ALSO, I hopped on the scale this morning and I'm down five pounds. So that doesn't suck either.

This afternoon I leave for Disney with Clan Ristano. That's going to be an amazing little break, and I really can't wait, but it will present the dual problems of eating decently and updating ye olde bloge. I'll do my best on both fronts.

Morning Snack:

1 EAS AdvantEDGE Carb Control Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Bar

- 240 calories

- 80 from fat

- 17g protein

This thing was pretty disgusting, which is great because I have a box of them at home. For more calories, more fat calories, and 2g more protein? Bleh.

Day 2

I'm going to cut down to one entry per day and just keep editing it. I think that'll be a bit cleaner.

I started out today trying to make Egg Beaters Whites. They were the most horrific things I've ever been a part of. Styrofoam and and hatred. I'm going to have to look up how to cook them, because as of right now, all I can think is that Egg Beaters Whites are Soylent White, and Soylent White is people.

So, breakfast:

1 cup of Chobani Strawberry Yogurt

- 190 calories

- 0 from fat

- 19g protein

Today's my first day back at work on the diet, so we'll see how that goes.

I spoke to one of my coworkers who's a big dieter/healthy eater this morning about the Egg Beaters Whites, and he confirmed that styrofoam and hatred is the correct taste. He suggested spicing them up with some Mrs. Dash or crushed red pepper or something. We'll see about that. These puppies may just not make it into my breakfast rotation.

Mid-morning snack!

1 EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Peanut Butter Crisp bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

And lunch!

Potbelly Roast Beef on Thin Cut Wheat (Lettuce, Tomato, Mustard, Pickles, Italian Seasoning)

- 390 calories

- 97 from fat

- 32g protein

Baked Lays

- 130 calories

- 15 from fat

- 2g protein

The sandwich was ok. I'm not sure why I ordered roast beef - it's not my fave, and Italian seasoning didn't help things. Mustard on its own would have been fine. Maybe I'll try turkey or something tomorrow. What I really need to do is get back to bringing my lunch.

Afternoon snack:

Another EAS Myoplex Lite Chocolate Peanut Butter Crisp bar

- 190 calories

- 50 from fat

- 15g protein

Bucking the notion that variety is the spice of life, another one of those bars hit the spot reasonably well. They don't totally suck, which is high praise for a protein bar. I did just read that you need .37g of protein per pound of body weight per day. So I need 151g protein per day, at a bare minimum.

The things that I've eaten so far which are the most outrageously high in protein are the turkey burgers, and I'm not going to be able to add several of them to my diet per day, so it sounds like protein shakes need a look. Trader Joe's carries some which are supposed to be pretty good, so I'll go check it out after work. That'll provide me with my second big food test of the day: grocery shopping.

I called it my second test of the day because I currently have co-workers walking by my desk with slices of cake. I know the feeling won't last, but I don't really want it that badly. Probably because I've been on a diet for all of 36 hours.

I worked until about 7, which meant that I was pretty hungry leaving work. First stop was Trader Joe's, where I picked up six Pure Protein Shakes. They only had vanilla, and I had been assured that the chocolate ones were the best. Still, I remember having the Atkins shakes and thinking they were pretty OK, so I assumed I'd be fine with these too. And I was!

Pre-Dinner Snack:

1 Vanilla Pure Protein Shake
- 160 calories
- 10 from fat
- 35g protein

Boom shaka laka. Next up was Giant, because Lean Cuisines are on sale this week. Trader Joe's was pretty easy to get through - just avoid the frozen section, where everything delicious lives. The stuff they put at the register is also easier to avoid. Nobody has ever tanked a diet on day 2 by getting fucked up on fruit leather.

Giant was a different story. I picked up the Lean Cuisines easily enough, but they Whatchamacalits and Caramellos at the checkout called to me. I didn't listen, but oh man, candy is delicious.

Dinner:

1 Bag Lean Cuisine Sweet and Spice Ginger Chicken

- 290 calories

- 20 from fat

- 22g protein

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to crunch some numbers and figure out if I'm going to have something else.

Yup. I was ok on calories, but low on protein, so...

Dinner #2:

1 Lean Cuisine French Bread Pepperoni Pizza

- 310 calories

- 60 from fat

- 15g protein

Not necessarily the best choice as it's a little higher in calories and a little lower in protein, but still not bad.

Grand Totals for Day 2:

- 1850 calories

- 302 from fat

- 155g protein

Day 1 - Dinner and Summary

Day 1 of the diet is, by and large, in the books. Only... several hundred more days to go. Today wasn't bad, but I'm not going to be able to make lunch in my own kitchen every day, nor spend the time between meals just sort of lounging about.

By my calculations, I've lost hundreds of pounds over the course of my life. Obviously I haven't ever done a hell of a job keeping it off, but the skills and tools necessary to lose the weight are there. I'll probably need help as more pounds come off, but at 410 lbs, all I have to do to lose a decent amount of weight is not eat like an absolute hog.

Exercise will also be coming into the equation. It hasn't yet, but it's going to have to. Anyway, dinner!

1 Bag of Voila! Teriyaki Chicken

- 500 calories

- 40 from fat

- 30g protein

1 cup of grapes

- 60 calories

- 0 from fat

- 0g protein

That ought to do it for the day. My daily totals are:

- 1425 calories

- 110 from fat

- 110g protein

See you tomorrow! Egg beaters for breakfast?

Day 1 - Snack

Who doesn't love snack, am I right? I'm not actually very hungry, but I have a hell of a headache, and lots of little meals is a good thing. Thus, snack.

1 Pack of Caramel Drizzle Quaker Mini Delights

- 90 calories

- 30 from fat

- 1g protein

1 Bottle of Peach Honest Tea

- 85 calories

- 0 from fat

- 0g protein

The tea was mostly because it was leftover from yesterday's binge, and because I'm trying to up my water intake. Also, it has a little caffeine in it, and while I'm trying to cut caffeine from my diet, I'm wondering if that was a part of my headache, given that I normally drink Diet Coke like it's going out of style.